I have thought about writing this letter to you since May. My 5280Mommy blog was for you and grandma. And now that you’re gone, that blog doesn’t seem to make sense anymore. It is nice to read through my thoughts and experiences as a new mom of two little boys, and I loved blogging our trips to Japan and Argentina for you. But now that you’re not here, I don’t have anything to say there.
The hardest part of losing you is not knowing how to reach you. It’s impossible for me to believe that there is really no way for me to find you. You must be somewhere, right? But I can’t find you. Not in the sunrise or sunset, not in trees, or lakes or rivers, not anywhere in nature actually, not even in Minnesota where I think you must be. I think I could probably at least sense you if I go downstairs and turn the pages of the stamp collections you left for my boys. Or the books that I took from your office and your vast collection in the basement. But you wouldn’t be able to hear me there. And so I am here. Writing this to you and praying – even though neither you nor I really believe in praying – that you will see it. Could I possibly be right? Could these letters to you fly across the universe to wherever it is that you’ve gone? I’m not sure, but I’m not sure it matters, so long as I’m talking to you.